on love, relationships, sex, and body image | zoe & the beatles

by the way?did i mention i broke off my unrelationship sunday night?

yeah. made for the most awkward concert in history (he came along to adele because we originally planned it that way. i wondered if i should do it pre or post concert but he brought it up in the car on the way there so?oh well.) i?m not sad. i?m relieved.

yeah. relieved. and i?m starting to realize something: i?m not very good at relationships. i get bored really easily. i loose interest in the first couple of months, after the heat of the chase dies down. rarely do i settle into something wholeheartedly. i don?t settle period ? if the ?spark? does not exist effortlessly between me and another person, i usually can the ?relationship? before someone gets way too attached.

curious about my romantic history?

in my short (almost 22!) twenty one years, i?ve been in five relationships. i ended all but one. the longest one lasted ten months. i?ve had my heart broken once and utterly shattered once. i?ve never had a random hook up. ever. and i?ve only been in love once. that head over heels can?t get over it type of love (the one that ended up shattering my heart and soul).

in high school, when hormones go nuts and people merge constantly, i avoided boys for a myriad of reasons. low self-esteem topped the list. i never felt pretty enough. i always felt fat, ugly, and worthless. my poor high school boyfriend never got to touch me because i was so uncomfortable in my own skin i never let him (or anyone) touch me. this attitude followed me into college. i self-sabotaged a million chances with a million guys because i felt uncomfortable with me.

anyone surprised? anyone? didn?t think so.

i may not be sexually savvy but i have learned a lesson or two. the most important? sexuality is an integral piece of being human. shutting it off is like shutting off a piece of you that is hardwired in your system. essentially, shutting off your sexuality short-circuits the rest of your system. now, i?m not saying go bang everything you see. i?m not saying indulge every sexual whim. i?m saying recognizing, accepting, and owning your sexuality (e.g: be safe. use protection kids!), whatever it may be, is incredibly important to your health (mental and physical).

unfortunately, i know i am not the only one who shuts off her sexuality. i know i am not the only one who convinces herself she?s not pretty enough for touching and feeling. talk to almost any woman and you?ll find some sort of apprehension concerning the body. we bang with the lights off. we avoid intimate situations because we don?t want to take off our shirts. we don?t masturbate because we?re not worth feeling good. we simply float through life with this ridiculously important switch flipped off.

well, loves, i?ve got some news for those of you who withhold your sexuality:

you do deserve to be touched.
you do deserve to feel.
you do deserve to love and be loved in returned.
you do deserve to not settle for the first person who comes along.
you do deserve to have sex with the lights and your shirt off?or not at all!

because every body, no matter what shape or size, deserves all the same wonderful things. there is no age limit to sex, no weight limit, no size specifications. you only require a body, a heart, a soul, a mind, and openness to new experiences.

something tells me you lovely people already have all these tools in your toolbox. and if you still struggle, know that when you love someone and someone loves you, they could care less about all the little bits and pieces you fret so deeply about. i?m finally starting to see that. i sincerely hope you will too. now i just gotta find me someone to love?

tell me, what is your relationship with sexuality? with sex? is it important to you? or not at all? i think we could have an interesting conversation here?

namaste

zoe

(p.s: so?i think i?m in love. ugh.)

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Source: http://zoeandthebeatles.wordpress.com/2011/08/17/on-love-relationships-sex-and-body-image/

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